Wenches, Wrenches, and other sundry things
by kris932
Summary: Tony Stark saves Darcy Lewis's life one fine day. Now he just has to deal with the fallout...
1. Chapter 1

"Ah, fuck. I'm too young and awesome to die a virgin."

The girl in question swore as she ducked under his armored hands and turned into his side to avoid as much of the falling debris as she could. Despite the fact that they were now both buried under a good foot of collapsed warehouse and physically cut off from the rest of the team and he definitely had one or two broken bones the Mark 32 suit was assessing Tony couldn't help but agree with her surprising statement.

"I'd be happy to lend my personal and immediate services to solving your problem."

JARVIS always willing to lend his aid broke in with "Such a kind offer, sir. But perhaps now is not the best time?"

The woman snorted in unimpressed amusement, coughed, and muttered a choked '_sure you would, Stark' _before falling silent. Well, to be fair, the girl wasn't getting filtered air like he was…

"You're right JARVIS, rain check then, now might not be the best time."

The young woman shifted closer and opened her mouth to give what he could only assume was a snarky reply before she started coughing again.

Ok, Thor or Steve really needed to get their asses over here, like, now.

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It was one hell of a week later that Tony finally learned who the girl was. It had turned out the girl was none other than Foster's little lab gopher Darcy Lewis.

And well, damn. While he was only half joking back when he had hit on her during the battle, her file now interested him even more.

Tasered Thor and lived to become bros with the Norse god. Point, Lewis.

Kept most of Dr Foster's old equipment running on nothing more than duct tape and a prayer despite her unfortunate taste in college majors. Political science? The words politics and science always made Tony cringe when used together. But Culver University was no laughing matter, both Dr Bruce Banner and Dr Jane Foster were a testament to that fact.

….and her file really needed more info to keep him amused. Seriously, what was first-name-Agent last-name-Son of Coul hiding from him?

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The Dodge Spirit did not now or ever belong next to any of his shiny pricy sports cars. Even if the car had been brand spankin' new…which it wasn't, at all. Its color alone would have offended the Ferraris and Lamborghinis delicate sensibilities. And Tony didn't even want to imagine what mental affect it could have on his antique cars…

Maroon? Really? Ancient peeling maroon paint… His poor sports cars were going to need therapy and lots of it.

"JARVAIS, what the hell is that…thing… doing in my garage? How did it even make it by security? Like I do still have some fucking security monitoring this place, right?" He fired off the questions to his trusty AI as he made his way closer to the ageing eyesore.

But before JARVIS could provide him with some answers a steel and vinyl creeper with the Stark Industries logo embossed on its side came sliding out from under the car to hit his foot.

"J-man, wanna let me take this one?" asked Lewis from where she lay on the creeper: wrench, rag, and WD-40 in hand.

"Of course Miss Lewis, I'm sure sir would find you a much more enlightening conversationalist at the moment than me."

"Oh now, JARVIS, like anyone could carry a convo better than you. I mean, where would I be without our nightly philosophical musings on life, the universe and everything?"

Tony blinked down at the girl as she cheerfully carried on with JARVIS and ignored the fact that she had just rolled over his toes with one side of her creeper…no wait, make that his creeper, there was a dent in the left side that he put in it last week. He nudged the side of the creeper and the girl smiled up at him.

"Explain? Now?"

"Pepper said I could fix/store my car here. I needed access to tools and the employee lot has got zilch, it's like people can't even check the oil these days without hiring some wannabe jiffy lube mechanic to do it for them. This is one sweet set up you got here, Dude. "

He gave a small nod in her direction "your car is hideous and belongs in a junkyard, but I will forgive your authorized trespass on the grounds that you're a hot chick that knows the difference between a double-box wrench and an open-end wrench. "

"My many thanks o-gracious kinda-bossman." She saluted him with the wrench and slid the creeper back under the maroon monstrosity.

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"Pepper…" he whined into the phone. "Pepper…she was using my tools. In my garage. My personal garage…how could you do this to me?"

"Do what?" came the exasperated reply.

"You know very well what, Miss Potts!"

"Mr. Stark, I can assure you I certainly don't. Now as the current CEO and the only person in this conversation trying to run an international business can I please get back to work now?"

"Fine, but don't think I'm going to let this go Pepper!"

He could just imagine her rolling her eyes thousands of miles away as she hung up on him.

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"So as I was saying, my skill set would have been completely badass if I had been born a privileged white male sometime in the 1500's."

Clint Barton was doubled over with laughter at whatever story Darcy had just finished regaling him with in the Avengers lounge.

"Oh man, add that to the Taser and we ought to add you to the rotation kiddo." He laughed again and glanced up to see Tony.

"Stark, you gotta listen to this kid's stories, off the charts, fucking insane."

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Alcohol, Daddy issues and boredom had gotten him in trouble in the past. Surely three days of no sleep, lots of coffee and DUM-E trying to brain him with a fire extinguisher had to be better.

He might have been wrong on that, but lack of sleep didn't stop him from knocking on her door at 4am.


	2. Chapter 2

It took a few minutes before he could hear the sound of someone moving around on the other side of the door. After a few more insistent knocks on the door, because hey, it was rude to keep someone waiting this long, it finally opened to the sight of a sleep tousled Darcy Lewis.

Who was really rockin' some pillow creases on her cheek, frizzy bed hair, lopsided dark framed glasses, and the new HAWKEYE AVENGERS ™ comfy pajamas line.

She stared at him for a second, taking in his own appearance. Three days' worth of grease, oil, and paint not to mention he hadn't shaved recently either. The trademark goatee was probably a goner by now.

"Um, hey…" she raised her eyebrows and ran a hand under her glasses trying to wake herself up some. "Ya need somethin' Tony?"

It took him a moment to stop staring at her chest (despite her unfortunate choice in AVENGERS sleep wear the shirt did cling and drape in all the right places)

"Eyes up here genius."

Ah, right.

He forced himself to ignore the way her breasts moved as she crossed her arms.

Focus on her face, right, easier said than done.

"You gonna tell me what the fuck you are doing here at god knows what time in the morning?"

"Dinner." Good. Short, concise, and clear.

"Yeah, you missed that meal, like, ten hours ago, plus don't you have a kitchen full of chiefs eagerly waiting to whip of 5 star meals for you at your slightest command?"

Ah, maybe too short to be clear.

"No, dinner. Me. You. I'll pick you up at my garage at 6:30? Good. "

He leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to the fading pillow crease on her cheek before flashing her that bold confident smirk of his.

He turned and left before he could see the completely dumfounded look on her face.

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Darcy groaned as she stretched and rolled onto her back. Without opening her eyes she fumbled around with her left hand until she could feel her phone. She forced one eye open to squint at the time on the screen. Urg, 9:30. Thankfully, she had an understanding boss that never followed a sane sleeping schedule.

"JARVIS?"

"Good morning Ms. Lewis. I trust you slept well?"

"That depends on how you answer this next question."

JARVIS waited in what Darcy could only describe as an amused silence.

"Am I dreaming this shit up or did Tony Stark show up at my door at four in the morning to stare at my boobs?"

"I believe he also, ah, ordered you to join him for dinner. He often forgets he's supposed to ask people's permission for these sorts of social endeavors."

"Then he kissed me."

"Yes."

"This seriously cannot be my life."

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Jane often comes across as demanding, single-minded, and pushy to most people. But really, Darcy couldn't have built a better best friend if she tried. So despite the alluring seduction of SCIENCE, Jane does notice that her intern-turned employee-friend is not her usual self that morning. It might be eleven in the morning but that doesn't stop Jane from raiding some poor smuck in accounting's fridge for chocolate ice-cream and pulling Darcy into her bedroom for Girl Talk.

After listening to Darcy's account of the early morning events and watching the stunningly clear surveillance video from the hallway outside Darcy's front door (cheerfully provided by JARVIS), Jane can see why Darcy might be a little out of sorts.

"So I guess we need to find you an outfit for tonight then?"

Darcy whips her head up from the ice-cream bowl she's scraping the last of the chocolate from to stare at Jane.

"You're kidding right? There is no way in hell I'm meeting him tonight for dinner."

"I thought you liked him, you were going on and on about his shop the other day."

"Yes but dinner happens to be with him, not his garage."

"And he saved your life…"

Darcy rolls her eyes and huffs "Well I should hope so, it's kinda in the fucking Avengers handbook to do so."

"What's the real reason you don't want to go? Despite his reputation you don't actually have to have sex with him. But he is kinda old for you…"

"Thanks mom, and no his age is not the issue I have here. Plus, do not even start, Thor was way worse back in his Viking Midgard days and like is a gazillion years older than you." Jane does a brilliant job of ignoring both of those statements and continues with her mini lecture. "Well you ought to at least tell him in person you don't want to go."

Darcy groans and flops back on Jane's bed in a futile attempt to smoother herself with Jane's pillows. Her plan fails miserably.

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The outfit that Jane pulls together last minute for Darcy looks good. Attractive and not the slightest bit slutty. Jane made sure to steer far far away from anything that screamed 'I'm Tony Stark's latest one night stand.'

She still has no idea what she's going to say to the man but she's hoping inspiration will strike between Jane's apartment and the elevator ride down to Tony's garage.

But of course it doesn't and when she exits the elevator (seven minutes past 6:30) and she looks up to see him smiling at her and leaning up against a seriously cool 1954 Chevrolet Corvette two-seater she can't even muster up the brainpower to say hi.


	3. Chapter 3

Note: this is cross posted with AO3 and on there this is posted as a separate fic called 'The one where they have dinner.' It's all part of the same series but has a slightly different tone to it.

"You're late, Lewis."

Darcy rolled her eyes and let out a rather stressed sounding sigh.

"Almost didn't bother to come." Tony's smirk slipped a little at her response but still managed to look smug. "Jane forced me to come." She continued as she exited the elevator and avoided meeting his eyes for the first time since they had been introduced months ago. Instead she drank in the sight of his car.

"Foster forced you?" His eyebrow rose slightly as he imagined the slim astrophysicist physically manhandling her bold and much bigger assistant. It was a hard mental image to form.

"She's a deceptively strong woman, must be something in all those pop tarts she consumes. Plus, you should totally get a load of her sassing Thor when she's pissed at him."

"He gets that wounded puppy dog look, doesn't he?"

"Too right."

"In his defense, your boss is insane."

This gained him a quick smile and a laugh as she came in closer to look at the Corvette.

"Thor's probably just glad Jane doesn't own a car here in the city."

"Huh, why?" he asked turning to watch Darcy examine the paint job. She was avoiding running her hands across the glossy finish despite the slight twitching that showed she really wanted to.

"What!? You really don't know the story?"

"No?" he replied. "Oh, and you can touch Lewis, my intention was to have you actually sit in the car at some point, so touching the door's not going to kill it."

She blushed a bit at his last statement and avoided his eyes again, but reached out a hand to get a feel of the paint job before she continued with her original statement. "About the time Jane ran over Thor with her van."

"How did I not find out about this? I hacked her file and everything. Details Lewis, and I'll let you look at the engine." Tony bribed as he moved to where Darcy was standing in front of the hood.

"Classified."

He mock glared at her but reached under the steering wheel to pop the hood up for her anyway. She did her best to ignore him and focused her attention on the engine instead.

"This is way out of my league but you do good restorations, Stark."

"Naturally."

She pulled back from the car and reached up to close the hood and then turned around with her arms crossed across her chest as she leaned back on the car. Tony found himself next to her matching her stance. The conversation surrounding the car died as Darcy studied her nails on her left hand and Tony found himself wishing for a bottle of scotch. For two normally talkative people the silence was deafening. At least to Tony it was.

"How'd you learn about this stuff anyway?" he asked trying to get them talking again.

"Huh?"

"Cars, engines, shit like that. Takes some actual training to know what you know."

"Dad owns his own shop. He started with airplanes, moved to boats, and cars in our family never stopped runnin' if he had a say in it. Insisted me and my sister be able to fix things without calling in help. I ended up being halfway decent at it."

"Hence that maroon eyesore you have sitting in my shop."

"You know that car could legally drink before I could?"

Ah, it was probably time to cue the uneasy silence part of the evening again.

"So dinner then? What did you have in mind?" Darcy asked as she turned to look at him. She didn't sound all that excited at the prospect, but she hadn't walked out yet either. Tony had a feeling his next few sentences might make or break the evening.

"I take it any place that is going to land us on every fuckin tabloid in the country is a bad idea."

She nodded and he thought he heard her mutter 'damn right' under her breath.

"I know a pizza joint outside the city. It's quiet. Bit of a drive though…"

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Dinner goes better than they both expected it to.

The drive had been quiet, except for the loud rock music that they both could easily belt out the lyrics to playing through some of the best speakers ever. Darcy was off key, Tony surprisingly good and in tune.

Darcy, never one to give up on a good meal relaxes a bit as she sips on her beer and dips the complimentary bread into the seasoned olive oil sitting between her and Tony. The restaurant is situated in a small strip mall in a little town about an hour away from the city. It's in New Jersey of all states and she wonders how the hell Tony Stark of all people stumbled on it. The food looks promising, but it's really not Tony's scene at all what with casually dressed retirees and a family with a baby in a high chair as the backdrop. But it is quiet and discreet and she's really really glad that at this point (at least) she won't be watching youtube clips the next day of TMZ finding them stumbling out of some high class city joint.

Tony steals the last piece of bread from her and she scowls at him in annoyance as he soaks up the oil and pops it in his mouth with a smug grin. The jerk.

"So how'd he go from planes to boats."

It's such a random statement it throws Darcy off for a minute before she remembers she had mentioned her dad earlier back at the tower.

"Keeping his pilot's license got pricy and Mom wanted to have kids. So he convinced her to move on a sail boat in Cali."

"You're fucking joking."

"Nope." She popped the 'p' loudly. "And Dad's the normal one in the family, I got an uncle on my Mom's side that made his pregnant wife live in a teepee."

Tony laughs and then stares in an odd mixture of disbelief and horror when he realizes she doesn't seem to be joking. If it is a joke then Natasha must have been giving Darcy lessons in remaining stoic and bland at all times because her face doesn't show the slightest hint of laughter for once.

"You lived on a boat?"

"Yep."

The server interrupts them with their meat-lovers pizza before Tony can come up with a response. After the standard warnings about the food being hot (which they both ignored-life was meant to be lived dangerously-and the greasy gooey hot tips are the best part) and asking if they needed anything else, Tony blurts out.

"Well that sounds a hell of lot more fun than boarding school was."

She shrugs and smiles and they fall into silence again, but this time it's simply because the pizza's very good and they are both hungry.

He tips the waitress an obscene amount of money as they are about to leave and it gains him a wide smile from Darcy. She's had enough shitty shifts as a waitress during college to know that even if you have money it didn't always mean you tipped well.

The ride back into the city goes much the same as before. Darcy's still off key, but she makes Tony grin and laugh as she raises the volume on the radio when 'Girls Girls Girls' comes on.

He kisses her good night- this time on the lips. But it's still quick and fairly polite and when she pulls away he doesn't push the issue.


	4. Chapter 4

Despite numerous fan websites and trashy news rags that liked to post ridiculous (sometimes real, sometimes photo shopped) images of the Avengers doing everyday things like shopping at the local fruit stand (See! Black Widow's just like us!) or grabbing a late lunch at the diner over on 35th street, life in Stark Tower was rarely ever that laid back. Except when it was. After all, the world wasn't invaded by alien armies or evil space robots on a weekly basis.

But on days when they were needed-all hell tended to break loose.

It was to this less than controlled chaos that Darcy woke up to the morning after her dinner with Tony. Chicago was, apparently, having a small issue with genetically altered 10-foot rodents. Or something. It was early, she wasn't really in the first responders loop, and she might have hit a bottle of Jack Daniels a little harder than was necessary after Tony had kissed her and dropped her off at her door. So, by the time she was up and dressed the Avengers had already left the building.

They were gone for two days. The incident in Chicago was handled with flair and quickly wrapped up.

One Tony Stark was gone for almost two weeks. The news reported some shit about board meetings, an iffy stock market, and Stark Industries push towards the cell phone market.

The man had a day job after all.

And well, so did Darcy.

Science was a harsh seductive mistress, but at least it kept her and Jane busy.

And if she ended up checking her phone for texts more often than normal it was really just because transcribing Jane's notes (a task she had been avoiding for months now) was really fucking boring.

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"Did you have fun?"

"Jane I've been next to you all day. You couldn't tell if I was having fun handing you pop tarts and recording data for you?"

"I meant at dinner."

"We had dinner together at Thor's apartment. Always good for a laugh. You were there if I recall correctly. We feasted and drank to our ancestors honor. At least that's what I think the smashing of cups indicated."

"I meant dinner last week…I really should have talked to you sooner."

"Could you be more specific, I tend to eat dinner every night."

"Fine, you don't want to talk about it. I get it. Maybe later?"

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The oil leak had been fixed. The passenger side no longer flooded every time she tested the air conditioning. The engine turned over with a satisfying rumble every time she turned the key.

Seemed like a good time as any to move her car over to the employee lot.

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Passive aggressiveness was almost as fun as being sarcastic. You know, at least it would have been if anyone had been in town to even notice.

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Jane is glaring at Darcy's TV screen in a way Thor would find adorable, but Darcy knows better. It's her 'This movie has completely trashed SCIENCE in every way possible to make the plot work' face. That's a long description to describe a glare but Darcy has seen it on her friend's face enough to patent it and try and think up an acronym for it. She's failed so far, but hey, who knows what could happen.

The point is she's not really in the mood to listen to a SCIENCE rant. They are fine in the lab and all, but so not her field. She needs a break. So Darcy piles onto the couch next to Jane and pulls a pillow and blanket over her lap. It's moments like this that she misses New Mexico. Not the heat, lousy restaurants, or alien attack, those she's happy to do without, but the roof. Things were easier to talk about up there. Or maybe life was just simpler then. Either way…

"I really enjoyed dinner." She says staring into her lap where she's fiddling with the lumpy pillow.

The TV is swiftly muted and Darcy avoids glancing at her friend when she sighs and says 'Oh Darcy' all soft and careful like.

"And you know what is the most annoying thing, Jane? My best date ever had to have happened with Tony Fucking Stark. And like he didn't even do anything special, my taste in men is just that bad that Stark can walk in, drive me to a pizza joint, have good taste in bands and high tech speakers, drive me home and walk me to my door- which is so not even impressive cus we like live-in the same effin' building- slip me a little tongue, and end up as my best date ever. It's sad and pathetic."

She slumps further down into the couch and glances over at Jane whose facial expressions of humor and pity seem to be warring with each other on her face.

"Ok, Darcy. That sounds well…not good. I mean…"

"Gee thanks." Darcy rolls her eyes as she cuts in on Jane.

Humor seems to be winning on the pint sized scientist's face and Darcy has to fight down a laugh when…

"Sorry Sorry, I gotta ask though, cus you now have a little personal experience…can the man kiss or what?"

Jane gets a face full of Darcy lumpy pillow and a slightly amused 'shut the fuck up Jane' in response.

"No but really, Darcy. I'm sorry. I take it you haven't heard from him since?"

"Not even one lousy freakin' text. To be fair, the whole thing in Chicago probably threw him for a loop. Plus, back to the horrible part where he has managed to rank incredibly high in the 'best date' category, he has a company to run. My last boyfriend was a hundred and fifty thousand dollars in debt and going back to school for a third time to 'find himself.' That's after finishing his law degree. Not that I'm saying I'm dating Tony Stark or anything, cus it was one dinner. ONE, Jane. And he might have stole the last piece of bread, so he's in the jerk category now, well, he never really left but you get what I mean. "

Jane looks like she wants to break into another lecture (Thankfully not about SCIENCE) but unfortunately Jane's lectures on relationships are really unrealistic. Like her dating history is just as horrible as Darcy's is until Thor came falling out of the sky.

"Well if you do decide to speak to him again or he might even approach you, stranger things have happened…"

"What!? Really Jane?"

"You could make a pro and con list to help you decide. I'll lend you some color coded sticky notes."

"Why do I even talk to you?"

"Or if we've decided to hate him I can accidently run over him with my van."

"Urgh JANE!"


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